Can Mediation Work if We Don't Get Along?

One of the most common concerns people have about divorce mediation is: “Can we really do this if we don’t get along?”The answer, surprisingly, is yes. In fact, mediation can be especially useful for couples who struggle to communicate.

Mediators are trained professionals who are skilled at de-escalating tension and keeping conversations on track. They establish ground rules to ensure both parties feel heard and respected. You don’t need to be friends—you just need to be willing to participate and try to reach common ground.

Structured Environment:
Unlike casual conversations or volatile arguments at home, mediation takes place in a controlled setting. The mediator sets the tone, keeps the conversation respectful, and ensures both people have equal time to speak.

Focus on the Future, Not the Past:
Mediation is not about rehashing every painful memory. It’s about moving forward—figuring out custody, property, and financial arrangements in a way that works. A skilled mediator will help redirect unproductive conflict and refocus the conversation on solutions.

Shuttle Mediation is an Option:
If you can’t sit in the same room (physically or virtually), many mediators offer “shuttle mediation,” where you each speak with the mediator separately, and the mediator goes back and forth to work through the issues.

It Gets Easier:
Even if the first session is tough, most couples find that things improve over time. Once small agreements are made, trust in the process builds.

You don’t have to be at peace with each other to mediate—you just have to be willing to engage. With the right support, even difficult dynamics can lead to meaningful agreements.

DISCLAIMER
This article contains general information and general opinions from Higher Road and is not intended to be a source of legal advice for any purpose...

Think your situation is too tense for mediation? Let Higher Road show you how it can still work.